Dear Cleaning Lady

Dear Cleaning Lady,

I love you. I don't know you and you've never darkened my doorstep with buckets and brooms and a caddy of sprays and sponges. But you are out there. And I think of you when I scrub the shower and steam mop the floor and scoop the litter and dust the fake foliage and scratch strange things off the refrigerator shelf with my fingernail. And and and and and and and.

I look for you on Craigslist like a single girl reads the missed connections. I googled variations of "cheap" and "maid." What came back was NOT for low budget yet bonded and friendly cleaning agencies.

If you came here every week and picked up Lego pieces and changed our sheets and vacuumed the carpet in that alluring pattern that only maids are skilled in, would I care less when my family swept in and destroyed our newly pristine castle with the book bags and work shoes and crayon bits and fur balls? Hmmm. I'd like to think so.

But I am the cleaning lady. I clean my house and then I drink wine and watch "Hoarders" and think, well, hell, I'm not that bad at this after all.

I don't know you, cleaning lady. But one day I will, damn it. And you won't shove things under the beds when you are weary. And you won't be exasperated with young children that trail behind and fight over the the furniture polish bottle and demand instruction on how to spray it (because I will take said young children to the mall for a carousel ride and bookstore treat). And you won't sort of ignore the underside of the toilet seat because a brush doesn't work well on it and using your hands on it skeeves you out.

You will be my BFF, cleaning lady. I will wait for you. And if you accept payment in wine, hamburger helper, or zhu zhu pet bedrooms, hit me back asap.

Dear 2010

Dear 2010,

You are only a few short hours away and you are crowding 2009 out of here like a relative that has overstayed a welcome. These last few weeks have passed quickly and frankly, 2010, you've slipped under the radar.

I only ask for a few things, 2010. I hope that as you pack up your things and leave when 2011 starts to crowd you out, you leave us all healthy and my family together. I've matured enough to learn that you couldn't give us a better gift. Yes, I want wealth, vacations, laughter, good times, and perhaps some 2,500 thread count linens...but I will consider those the icing on the cake.

365 days from today, I just want to look at the same three faces around the dinner table. I want them smiling, happy, healthy, and another year older without facing much turmoil. To be all together in my house with the people I love is all I need, 2010. Can you manage that? In return, I'll try to live in the moment, to be still and to appreciate what I find around me. I won't complain about turning 35 (as long as I can tell others that I'm 32). I won't cry when my babies turn another year older...I'll just be thankful for another year that I'm able to parent each of them.

I hope we have a deal, 2010. 2009 tried me in ways I wasn't quite prepared for...but I hope I came out calmer, stronger, and more resilient. Now that I've proven my skills, I hope, 2010, that you won't ask to see them again.

I'll be watching you, 2010. Don't disappoint.

Another Year

Tomorrow is the very last day of 2009. It seems hardly possible that the first decade of the 21st century has passed us by. Ten years ago, we were all partying like it was 1999. Because it was. And because I was 24 and had a sparkly engagement ring and felt the world was my oyster. I laughed in the face of Y2K. You know, I had a wedding dress to buy. And whether computers could convert their language from 99 to 00 was the least of my concerns.

And soon it will be 2010. Ten years has given me one wedding, one law degree, and two children. And that is a lot for the world to bestow on one person in one decade. But most of all, this decade has given me maturity. Maturity in major ways...growing, birthing, and raising children will change you in ways my wedding dress buying self couldn't have imagined. Maturity in minor ways...rinsing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher is a good idea, mom!

But most of all, when I think of my sparkly engagement ring 24 year old self, I think that I wish I would have enjoyed her and her sparkly life more. And when it is ten years from tonight and we contemplate 2020, what will I think about myself? Probably that I wished I enjoyed my children more when they were young. That I wished I were in the moment more, present to my life around me.

And so those are my goals for 2010. To be present in the moment more. A small sentence. A vast statement. An uphill battle for a brain that can't stop...busy, busy, busy with things to do, with things to worry about, with things to dislike. But a step in the right direction. No more resolutions to lose weight, eat healthier, not drink a bottle of wine on a weeknight. Because those aren't the things that stick in my mind. I want sparkle. I want happy. I want in the moment.

Ok...I'm back. And dedicated this time.

Long time, no post. As you get to know me, you'll see that I'm EXCELLENT on coming up with ideas. Totally suck on the follow through. As evidenced by four days of blog posts and then nothing for six months. Such as me. In 2009, anyway. Because in 2010, I turn over a new leaf as we turn over a new decade. I'll investigate a little thing called "follow through." I'm not that familiar yet.

That said, in the last few months, I've been reading A LOT of fabulous blogs. Some of the people I've met and the things I've read are astounding. And since I regularly read and contribute, I'd like to set up my own shop over here.

So, in the vein of blogging and follow through, I read that Money Saving Mom (http://www.moneysavingmom.com/) and Fishmama (www.lifeasamom) are hosting a "Eat From Your Pantry" challenge for January, 2010.

Whhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt? Yeah, I know. Dubious sounding...but an excellent challenge. Our pantry and freezer are stocked with things that I regularly pass over in lieu of something "better." I've been couponing, but not sure I'm saving anything because I'm wrapped up in buying to see how much I save. (There's a mind boggling sentence for you.)

So, here are my ground rules:

1. I will make no more than three trips to the grocery store in January for fresh items, such as milk, eggs, and produce. I'll also need a few things for the kid's school lunches, as they both take their lunch, rather than buy their lunch.

2. The budget for groceries in January will be $100. Our regular budget is $450. If we can pull it off, the extra will go toward building up our emergency fund, which took a hit over the past few months.

3. We normally eat out for lunch on Saturday and this comes out of our "eating out" envelope and so this won't change.

4. And if anyone wants to invite us over for dinner, we'll obviously be taking you up on that offer.

5. By way of disclaimer, we purchased 1/4 of a cow in October, so our deep freeze is probably much more stocked than the average person. This will be a big help, as I have tons of ground beef and a cookbook dedicated to receipes using just ground beef.

I just forwarded the challenge premise to my husband with the note: "We are doing this. Eat up now." He replied with "Really?". It could get interesting around our house this month.

I'll update at the end of each week with what we ate and new menu ideas. So maybe I'll save $350 and earn some follow through in the early stages of 2010.

While the kids are away, the parents will ????

So the kids are back off to mawmaw's lake house for another four days of adventure. After having just arrived home last Thursday, she offered to take them back this week to alleviate childcare issues as we get closer to August 24th - the day school starts for both kids.

And they were EXCITED.

Us? Not so much. One week of parental freedom was fun...but quite frankly, I'm all caught up on my "me time" and so I'll probably read and Jason will probably play some game on his phone. Because we are just that kind of fun on our own. And we will wonder what the kids are doing...even though we just talked to them an hour ago. I'm already stressing about being an empty nester. It will make me a hot mess.

In other news...I often read www.themeanestmom.blogspot.com. The author is hosting a cool contest for a Shabby Apple dress. If you haven't seen their stuff, you should check it out. Very, very, very cute. All you have to do is leave a comment on the author's post and you are in the running to win! Fun. In all my "me-time" this week, I'll be sending vibes that you or I win.

Dave Ramsey makes you do evil, evil, evil things.

Very much wanting a massage and analyzing my paltry looking, end of the month Dave Ramsey envelopes, I guessed I'd just have to keep wanting. And since we are in the kid free week at the Miller household, I thought a couples massage would be even better. Alas, $160 plus tips were just not in the budget.

That said, I can be pretty perserving and industrious when there is something I want. So here's what happened:

The local chain massage shop (not to be named here) offers a very attractive introductory rate for those new to massage at this particular establishment. Being massage-aholics, we'd already been there and the rate for returnees is double the introductory rate.

But...I reason...my mom and her husband have NEVER been there and have no plans to visit. And an idea was born. I make the appointment for 6 and text Jason to let him know to meet me, but that now his name is Dale. Because he knows me really well, he doesn't question this command until he shows up at 6.

I tell him we've become my mom and her husband for the purpose of this very special introductory rate. And he is horrified. But? Really? It's two massages for $80 and it meets the Dave Ramsey goals, so what can he complain about?

All was good until I'm sprawled out on the massage table like a dog in the sun. The masseuse is working wonders on my very tense neck and then leans down and whispers..."Carolyn, it is time to turn to your back..." I completely ignore this because my name is not Carolyn and my brain is on auto-pilot. Until she says it again and my zen like state shakes off to remember my genius money-saving, massage procuring plan. "Carolyn...Carolyn..." finally I come to and follow her command, blaming my lack of name recognition on sleepiness and relaxation.

At dinner afterwards, I dare Jason to argue my excellent plan. Then I remind him, his parents would probably never plan to visit there either and I bet if we wait a few more months, we could go again. He just looked at me and summoned the waitress for another bottle of wine.

The Kids Are Still Gone...

They don't want to come home. Apparantly, being at MawMaw's lake house, eating bacon fried in a skillet on a charcoal grill, staying up late, not bathing, and watching Spongebob first thing in the morning is a preferrable way of life to 6506 Chelan Drive. I'm pretty certain that when I talked to Hayden yesterday, he said "machete" and "four wheeler" in the same sentence. Ellery was too busy to talk to me, sadly so, since I could have gotten her to expound on the whole machete thing. My mom claimed I heard wrong.

So, Jason and I are down to one more night of being kiddo free. Last night, we had more wine, complained about the $200 bill to repair the Tahoe, and watched Big Brother 11.

I'm ready for my kids back.